You and your beau recently broke up. Now before you become that couple that flip-flops (as in, gets back together to break up again, and so on), please consider there are only a handful of reasons why you should. Getting back into the same bad situation (let’s face it, you had your reasons why you broke up the first time), is not a good idea. So read on for expert advice about getting back together with an ex…
The Reason You Broke Up is Stupid
If the time apart made each of you realize that the reason you originally broke up is silly and doesn’t really matter at the end of the day, you might want to reconsider, says Karol Ward, a licensed psychotherapist and communication consultant.
“For example, you break up with someone because they don’t verbally express their affection as much as you want,”she said, “but then after you are apart, you realize that they were actually expressing their love time and again through gestures such as always walking you home, or checking in with you first before making other plans or bringing a little treat for your dog every time they spent the night.”
Fear of Commitment was Your Motive
If you broke up with your man because you’re afraid of commitment and have had a change of heart, you can go back on it if possible.
“Your fear of commitment turns out to be minor compared to not having the person you love in your life,” explains Ward. “You find yourself feeling lonely. Instead of feeling trapped in a relationship, you feel lost not being in one. Sometimes the only way we get over our fear of being close to another person is by experiencing life without them.”
The Single Life is the Pits
Breaking up with someone to experience the “single life”is an okay reason, but if you regret your decision and realize that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, see if he’ll take you back.
“All those parties and dating you thought would be fun actually turns out to be empty and boring,” Ward explains. “You realize you had more fun and laughs with your ex and that there was no one else who ‘gets you’ the way he did.”
You’ve Assessed Your Situation
If being apart gave you a chance to examine your own behavior in the relationship and you’ve come to terms with your issues, then consider getting back together with your ex.
“Maybe some of the things you fought about with your ex were actually things you needed to change within yourself,” Ward explains. “For example, spending too much money, over-working or putting your family ahead of your relationship might actually be real issues that you allowed to interfere with connection to your significant other.” If you realize that and want to fix it, then the relationship is worth another shot.
When It’s Not Okay to Go Back
Keep in mind, ladies, it’s not always black and white. If you and your ex were arguing a lot, not seeing eye-to-eye and have really large hurdles that you can’t overcome, then it’s probably best to stay away and give each other some space.
“It’s death to a relationship to try to change the other person,” says Carol Kryder, mental health expert on JustAnswer.com. “When women find that they’re not able to re-make the man to their liking, they will punish him for not changing.”
Just do your own thing for awhile. The alone time can mean wonders. Celebrate your aloneness, says Dr. Sybil Keane, psychologist and mental health expert on JustAnswer.com. “Start enjoying life, quit the ‘poor me’ attitude, take up a challenging hobby or goal, or do something that is totally not your style,” Keane suggests. Find out who you are and what you want before you jump back into a relationship — old or new.